Linnie Aikens Arts and Letters • HeART Haven Studios

Return to Blog–Quiet Panáche

Sheffield Resevoir, Montecito, CA


“What am I meant to be doing now?  God, am I pursuing the path to which you’ve called me, or am I off wandering around in the wilderness, however beautiful it may be?”  These are my musings lately in the early morning hours as I walk my dog before work.  As the morning awakens and the foliage lines and colors become clearer, I expect my own inner clarity to realize as well, but it doesn’t.  I dearly miss teaching art, but there are so few jobs available, and then there is the unspoken sentiment that I am somehow too old to hire at this stage.  It seems that our society only values the young now, which makes me sad.  I’m young!  55 is not old!  I dearly love making art, but I work so long and hard all day long, that I come home sometimes too exhausted to paint.  “Am I where I should be, or doing what I’m supposed to be doing?”  There’s that idea again.....”supposed to be”.  I lived for far too long a life of “supposed to’s”. Torn between supporting myself in this town and creating as I was meant to create sometimes feel so at odds.  And so I spend my few minutes before work praying, questioning, willing----asking for direction for the future or contentment for the present...... and I observe the beauty around me and am thankful.  Tonight, I look forward to getting home to paint!

Thankful for this beautiful dog-walk created out of an old historic landmark of a reservoir in the hills.  This “passive park” is a lovely combination of drought resistant, indigenous plants, natural looking water runoffs and subtle reminders of the beautiful dam and reservoir that was once here.  What subtle reminders will I leave behind to enrich and enhance the lives of others one day?


(I’m beginning to see a theme in my blog entries lately!)


All photos and text used in this blog are copyrighted by Author of this website, unless otherwise indicated, and permission is required to use any image or text.

my . artist run website