Linnie Aikens Arts and Letters

Return to Blog–Quiet Panáche




Sheffield Resevoir, Montecito, CA

 

“What am I meant to be doing now?  God, am I pursuing the path to which you’ve called me, or am I off wandering around in the wilderness, however beautiful it may be?”  These are my musings lately in the early morning hours as I walk my dog before work.  As the morning awakens and the foliage lines and colors become clearer, I expect my own inner clarity to realize as well, but it doesn’t.  I dearly miss teaching art, but there are so few jobs available, and then there is the unspoken sentiment that I am somehow too old to hire at this stage.  It seems that our society only values the young now, which makes me sad.  I’m young!  55 is not old!  I dearly love making art, but I work so long and hard all day long, that I come home sometimes too exhausted to paint.  “Am I where I should be, or doing what I’m supposed to be doing?”  There’s that idea again.....”supposed to be”.  I lived for far too long a life of “supposed to’s”. Torn between supporting myself in this town and creating as I was meant to create sometimes feel so at odds.  And so I spend my few minutes before work praying, questioning, willing----asking for direction for the future or contentment for the present...... and I observe the beauty around me and am thankful.  Tonight, I look forward to getting home to paint!




Thankful for this beautiful dog-walk created out of an old historic landmark of a reservoir in the hills.  This “passive park” is a lovely combination of drought resistant, indigenous plants, natural looking water runoffs and subtle reminders of the beautiful dam and reservoir that was once here.  What subtle reminders will I leave behind to enrich and enhance the lives of others one day?

 

(I’m beginning to see a theme in my blog entries lately!)

 

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