Sheffield Resevoir, Montecito, CA
“What am I meant to be doing now? God, am I pursuing the path to which you’ve called me, or am I off wandering around in the wilderness, however beautiful it may be?” These are my musings lately in the early morning hours as I walk my dog before work. As the morning awakens and the foliage lines and colors become clearer, I expect my own inner clarity to realize as well, but it doesn’t. I dearly miss teaching art, but there are so few jobs available, and then there is the unspoken sentiment that I am somehow too old to hire at this stage. It seems that our society only values the young now, which makes me sad. I’m young! 55 is not old! I dearly love making art, but I work so long and hard all day long, that I come home sometimes too exhausted to paint. “Am I where I should be, or doing what I’m supposed to be doing?” There’s that idea again.....”supposed to be”. I lived for far too long a life of “supposed to’s”. Torn between supporting myself in this town and creating as I was meant to create sometimes feel so at odds. And so I spend my few minutes before work praying, questioning, willing----asking for direction for the future or contentment for the present...... and I observe the beauty around me and am thankful. Tonight, I look forward to getting home to paint!
Thankful for this beautiful dog-walk created out of an old historic landmark of a reservoir in the hills. This “passive park” is a lovely combination of drought resistant, indigenous plants, natural looking water runoffs and subtle reminders of the beautiful dam and reservoir that was once here. What subtle reminders will I leave behind to enrich and enhance the lives of others one day?
(I’m beginning to see a theme in my blog entries lately!)
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