Linnie Aikens Arts and Letters • HeART Haven Studios

Return to Blog–Quiet Panáche

Santa Barbara Breakwater at Dawn 


There are events in my life that suddenly break the frenetic speed and power of my lifestyle, and I am left feeling temporarily battered upon the rocks.  I somehow sense that I am supposed to be on the other side, in calmer, peaceful seas, but I’m used to the endlessly moving, constantly bruising power of the waves.  It’s what I know.  There are no surprises.  Safety in its predictability.  But I’ve been thrown against the breakwater lately enough times to know that perhaps I need to heed the message being delivered lacking any subtlety.  An errant thought flickers; perhaps there had been subtle indications prior, but obviously I must not have heard or, more honestly, ignored them. 


Eventually I climb up over the rocks, slipping on the slick stones of ambivalence, sometimes whipped off my feet by gale winds of fear and indecision and sucked back into the broiling sea of a life which I’ve come to call comfortable..  I use every ounce of prayer and will to haul myself back up on the rocks, then gingerly make my way back up to the top.  This process may repeat itself a few times before I find myself perched precariously at the top, holding onto the breakwater rails.  I have a choice.   


I have made it.  As I stand on the breakwater, the glorious sunrise reflecting off of every surface before me, the gentle lapping of the calm waters at my left, and the frenzied stew at my right, I see the bigger picture, feel a greater peace at having listened and heeded.


Still, life has shown me that I will be here again one day....perhaps a few times!  It’s what keeps me learning, growing, changing...becoming who I am to be for the next period of my life.  


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